Salut to those who have paved the path for me to now stroll on.
Sure, the title might be surprising. Some might say “Omg, she’s gone off on that deep end!” or “Finally, some sense got knocked into her!”. Both sentiments are untrue.
My feminist stance was conceived as a little girl that witnessed men beating women. Bloodied face with a burst nose and always swollen lip a family friend would come running to our house at the wee hours in the morning. It almost became a normal scene to observe. Women who were not interested in their men other than the fact that they bought them groceries. All I saw was dependence and weakness in these women. I was a tough little girl that willfully competed against boys in races and arm-wrestles to mark my territory and let them see my strength that I’m not to be messed with even if I’m “just” a girl. I was defiant like Sarafina! not like most girls and not a stupid girl as P!nk sang, progressive like Moesha and on a mission like Lauryn.
I hated the women’s role of cooking and cleaning. I despised (emphasis added) commercials that reinforced the Mom as maid-cook, the Dad as a helpless fool that can’t cook or the helpless woman that needs a man to rescue her and that flat tire.
Et Voilà! I found acceptance amongst like-minded people. I became a feminist! Feminist theories were at the back of my hand. I used feminist theories in debate, read all the books and attended a College/University were most students were feminists. Everyone knew me as a feminist.
As time went by, I too asked “Aint I A Woman?”
But I am not just a woman, I am not just Black, I am not just poor, I am not just an immigrant, I am not just from a country/region that is economically disadvantaged and have been physically enslaved. I would therefore have to apply to all facets, tick all the boxes yet never really fit in. I experienced the turned backs when I called on these feminists for help in my other struggles. They shrugged, weren’t interested.
A Turning Point
In Freshman year I wrote a paper on W.E.B Du Bois, Marx and Nietzsche. Marx and Dubois would march together for the proletariats (who btw, have no idea that word refers to them) until Marx shares his views on God. Nietzsche would find a friend in Marx but Marx would then hear Nietzsche’s view on the master race. Du Bois would sing a spiritual and bacchanal would ensue. That describes our world today. Divided.
When each doctrine fails or does not initially satisfy all facets of a person then the strata becomes a strain, the mainstream becomes a trickle and following are many new streams. The reason why is because our desires and needs are not of what we can see, feel, touch, smell etc. We as people are naturally tested on earth because we look different, we allow ourselves to play on our differences. You see, we naturally crave something to believe in and because we don’t use the right tools (the spirit and faith), we believe in things of the earth, the things our bodies are “prisoners” to – aka being born a man, in Tamil Nadu or a woman from Kitale.
When we look at our race, class, gender or the thing we’re discriminated against and seek to create an answer through a name for it all we end up doing is taking the division (the discrimination you face) and running with it … When we need to take the division and bring it back together, to the core and partner with others. This will help us better understand each other’s cry. I, the acclaimed feminist would no longer ignore the poor immigrant. The working class men, would no longer ignore the woman. How many of us have “won” our battle to only create the same injustice against another group?
The reason why so many movements were lead is because they were lacking of love from the onset. The movement we need is love, which transcends all boundaries and earthly differences (race, sex etc.). If we had pushed for love we won’t still be fighting for “x” groups today.
Does the intellect not say reduce the demand on drugs so that we can reduce the supply? – The North need to help their addicts so that the South and Eastern stop supplying? Or, help the abuser so that others aren’t abused? There is nothing wrong with your person (your physical appearances), the only wrong is the minds and thoughts of others, those who discriminate. So, we end up fighting such oppression (the racists, the ones greedy for money who take advantage of others etc.) with theories of our own. We seek healing from the struggles of being a woman or being black when all that’s needed is humility and love despite what category you fall in.
Did Marx ever say he was a Marxist? I’m not saying to sit by and watch others be oppressed. However, your theory, or the thing you aim to follow is taken from the original word, the purest word. Treat your neighbor as you treat yourself. Love. Compassion. If you have love and compassion, you can’t choose who you offer it to. (Thanks Fatima Bhutti, OYW) Whose call have you ignored?
“See to it that no one carries you off as spoil or makes you yourselves captive by his so called philosophy and intellectualism and vain deceit (idle fancies and plain nonsense) following human tradition (men’s ideas of the material rather than the spiritual world), just crude notions following the rudimentary and elemental teachings of the universe and disregarding (the teaching of) Christ (the Messiah)” – Colossians 2:8, Amplified Bible.
I used to be of the ism and skisms, I studied and believed in the doctrines and philosophy. You would always be unsatisfied and incomplete because there is no perfection in their thought/movement, it only deals with part of you. As the above verse says, material is not the spiritual where manly desires are needed (our senses). What solves these hurdles here on earth is love. racism? Love. sexism? Love. classism? Love. poverty? Love. With love you don’t need to be a follower or ascribe to anyone’s thought or theory. So I’m not a feminist, I’m a human and isn’t that enough? Isn’t that enough to make me upset and be moved to action when someone’s hurt and discriminated against? Having these theories unknowingly dissect the essence of what already makes us human.
I still don’t like abuse. The commercials portraying Mom’s/Wives as maids is sickening. I would give my daughter building blocks. I would give a stiff eye to anyone whose first comment is “you’re soo cute” to her. I would donate dolls elsewhere if she’s given too many in our view. My daughter will mow the lawn and clean drains. I would invite my son to cook with me. I would tell him it’s ok to cry. My son will learn how to change diapers and do the laundry (hand wash too!). If my Husband is skilled in paint colours or mortgage contracts, I won’t be stubborn. I will support him as the lead in that role. If I’m the financial guru, my Husband will support me in leading the house financially. If we are both skilled at something or share strong views, we will pray and reason and because of our love to each other we would submit/give way onto each other. I pray we both see our stubbornness and submit onto God’s way. Full stop.
Today I ask “Aint I a Human?”
NB: Nuff respect to the men and women who worked to ensure women are allowed to attend school, get equal pay etc.
As you can see, this wasn’t simply about feminism, it was about every theory I prescribed to that I hoped would aid my bruises. This article was not maliciously intended to offend, stir up controversy or garner attention. I simply hope to bring another voice to our ongoing discussion and offer fattening food for thought. Yuh does goh put dese disclaimers! Lol. Enjoy the Holidays.
Mwah!
Shalisha 🙂