Me First! Why I Started Serving from my Overflow

The first time I heard about serving only when your cup is full I immediately thought it was selfish.  The message was to take care of yourself first, love yourself first and then do the same for others. I was fed off a strange juice called put others before you, true love is loving someone tons and sacrificing some of your needs. That’s true holiness, Godliness, meekness and love. Once you care for others more, your needs will magically be taken care of and you’ll be fulfilled.

Though that may sound drastic, it was all kinds of variations of that type of juice.  There came a point in my life where I felt so miserable and empty.  At times I would be upset but I couldn’t figure or find the words to describe this underlying feeling.

I know, however, that there were times where I may ask someone to do something and they won’t.  Or, they wouldn’t think to do a particular thing and I would be dumbfounded because it is something I wouldn’t think twice of doing for them.  I felt that I was always there for them and maybe they may be there for me at least once.

Thing is, with no gloating, I am a giver. I give, give give. Sadly, I rarely got anything in return. That was very very exhausting.

I was feeling really drained and tired for a while and if I was deaf to my spirit, God found a way to smack me to the floor on one particular day! I won’t describe the events but let’s just say that I committed to helping two people accomplish their goals for the day.  I dropped my studies, my business, my home and personal life to meet someone.  Immediately after, when I thought ok, I’m gonna get back to my day, another person had a want.  I thought, gee, ok, I’ll assist. The statements of “I’m way behind in my studies” or “I’m studying today” did not seem to get through to people to leave me the hell alone.

I felt so sick when I was done because it’s about 4 pm and I have done nothing for Shalisha. My entire day gone. I didn’t know how to say no and felt bad saying no.  Clearly I needed saving. LOL.

I was so resolved in what I discovered about my relationships that I immediately got to preparing e-mails to organisations that I’m a part of saying I need to take leave.  I put plans in place for a smooth stepping away.  After that, I got a little more time to think. What would my life look like if I gave 100% to my health, spirituality and finances?

I got to writing in my journal. “ME ME ME ME First!” Notice how many paragraphs start with the letter I? I know there are self-centered people but the world wants to make us feel bad for saying I and using I and saying ME first.  But you need to put your mask on before you help others put their mask on. Same goes with taking the splinter out your eye before you take it out anothers’.

I realized I was serving from an empty cup. I neglected my needs to be there for others. My life lost balance.  No one’s fault but my own.

I then withdrew from certain activities and conversations. Goodbye Facebook, Skype and Whatsapp. Isn’t it funny that people actually no longer e-mail, knock on your actual door or call- so much so- that avoiding social websites and communication software in essence gets rid of pretty much everyone? Lol. I love it.

I can no longer be available for everyone.  And sadly, my brain has a problem where it starts to think and make plans once it sees an e-mail. I can’t do that thing of seeing an e-mail or message and truthfully ignoring it. So I had to put myself in a position where I see absolutely nothing.

Oh, They Will Get Offended

And offended indeed they were.  When you’re no longer the skinny starving pig with the piglets (you can also chose to take offence to this analogy, haha), people really get upset. When you decide to put your mask on first they will call you selfish and self-promoting. You’re no longer there to feed them. They may call you after a month asking “where are you?!” without realizing the irony of that question.

You’ve called so much and been the driver of that relationship that it’s about you not calling anymore. No, they don’t realize that they too in 4 weeks have not called. Sho fly be gone.

About 6 years ago I learned I was lactose intolerant. I avoided all dairy for a month. My face cleared up and the tummy ache was gone.  Similarly, given the peace I had from walking away and taking time for myself, I realize how much I’m allergic to negative, draining, poisonous and toxic relationships.

Here’s an old example: I remember when I came back from Ghana one person was upset I did not personally sit with them and tell them every single thing about my trip. I was told I was self-promoting for instead sending them to my blog.  The same blog that explains everything in detail with photos, what more should I say? Do they not know that about 10 other people are asking me the same questions?? Well hello there copy + paste :p

I wish people can see the e-world in real life.  There can be 8 open chat windows, 5 people on whatsapp messaging you wanting something. Let’s imagine they’re all in your living room and everyone’s talking at the same time. Poking you, nudging you. Anxiety, heart palpations. Good Lord! Stop!

Step away from what causes you those feelings of emptiness. Draining conversations, petty conversations. Just walk away.

Most recently I listened to an Oprah talk at Stanford that was liberating.  She said that she was afraid of saying no because people may think she’s mean or selfish. She said yes often because she wanted people to know that she truly is a kind person. Intentions are a funny thing.  I did certain things as well because it may look bad to others and I didn’t want people to think xyz about me: “she’s a bitch”, “I thought she was more giving and caring”, “she’s not coming?!!”, “how could she not” etc.

That kind of living is suffocating and makes one feel like a prisoner. It’s a guilt trap. It’s a life of trying to maintain whatever image others have of you by doing things you don’t feel like doing.  And guess what, some of them know it and play that card often like a hypnosis trick.  Those that care about you would say ok when you say no. They won’t think less of you; those are the people you can be thankful for.

Today I question the reasons why I do certain things. I say “No! No! No!” like a toddler as if it’s a new word because it kind of is.  I give ONLY when I can. I’m often in the dark room developing and will not ruin my photos/my own development for others.  I’m not a pro as yet because the thoughts do visit of what people will think or say but I say to that negative self talk “I see you!” LOL. And then I put it aside.

O! The things you wish you knew but the things we’re grateful that we now know. I hope my lesson helps you live a more peaceful and enriching life.

Cheers!

🙂

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When did you realise you had enough? How do you serve only from your overflow?