There is a thought or temptation that, due to guilt or shame for having the thought, you pretend it does not exist. The only effort you’ve made, albeit unproductive, is to condemn and beat yourself up. “I’m a better person than this” “I should know better” or, “I’ve judged others for this very thing! What’s wrong with me??”. Those are some of the self-inflicting words that we who are in denial say to ourselves.
The only path to grace, healing and a peace of mind is to put aside our human expectations of ourselves and speak the thought in a whisper within or a whisper out loud.
When we do not admit that a thought or temptation may be taking over our lives, we open room for pain. Your chest tightens when that person is around, your heart beats faster and palms get sweaty when something reminds you of the temptation. You find yourself acting on your denial by doing questionable things. It could be that you download and stare at someone’s photo in secret. You recognize that you’re developing a ‘sick’ habit but can’t seem to stop. The habit is not necessarily sick in the gross and weird sense (although it can be), but it makes you sick in the physical sense. We end up voluntarily creating another burden to bear and that causes unnecessary stress.
We jokingly say about our neurosis that ‘knowing is the first step’. In other words, you have admitted it to yourself first. But while we say this in jest about our addiction to chocolate, we seem to think that a confession is worse if it is about wanting to leave our family or being tempted to steal etc. Those things, we dare not confess.
The “thing” that we are tempted with or the thoughts we have, does not matter more than the unwillingness or failure to confess it. Honing the ability to admit our true thoughts is the lesson here. So let go of all worry about the “thing” because it in itself does not matter.
Sometimes we seek out help without admitting the thoughts within. Our thoughts and temptations create crises for us in many ways. For example, Shawn may go to counseling for the backlash of a poor decision as a manager. He ends up discussing issues of feeling incompetent and ashamed for a decision that cost his company almost a million dollars. However, Shawn was distracted by thoughts and temptations of an affair with Michael. Shawn, who is married to a woman, continued to deny these thoughts and gave it power over him. He might have continued in counseling for a host of other ‘issues’ until he one day confesses the real reason he’s been struggling.
Confession of a ‘dark’ thought is in fact shining a light. The confession does not darken your path or your being. It allows room for healing to occur through love.
You may call this the cleansing of the mind.
The Three Options we’re faced with
- Wallow in pain after you’ve confessed.
It seems like confession confirms what was within as if we didn’t already know but were just afraid of admitting it. We seem to cry out “omg it’s true, it’s true, I DO have this thought. I DO have this temptation” but we knew it all along. Sometimes we sit here far too long!
- Give your power to a thought
The second option is to do the thing you’re tempted to do and bring your thoughts into reality.
- Choosing Love
The final and best option is to walk away from the temptation by embracing a positive and healthy desire.
You see, the internal torture of a non-confession is equivalent to being at option 1 because you are stuck between two choices. Because of this double mindedness, we subconsciously choose #2 and therefore we act with no thought. Once we lack a positive and purposeful action plan, we sway to the unconscious option 2. Choosing Love with a plan to welcome beautiful thoughts is always the best option.
What Happens after We Confess?
Confession of our thoughts and temptations loosens the chains and the nooses and removes the power of the thought. The truth is, you may fortunately learn that your thoughts are not real and heal at once. But we sometimes need a series of therapy sessions before we get to that stage and state of understanding. I am still learning this!
Nonetheless, you can feel some immediate relief from the confession. It’s like the constipation going away, even if temporary. Your most difficult confession will actually give you the biggest relief. Remove shame, guilt or any judgment from your confession. Your only job is to let go of the thought or temptation with a whisper.
Following this, you may want to sit quietly and look at what might have caused you to feel drawn in to certain thoughts. Perhaps it’s something that happened to you as a child or an adult, or maybe something you’ve done in the past. Either way, your unhealthy thought signals a need for healing somewhere in your life. Avoid over-analyzing. Once you’ve figured it out, move on to addressing the issue head on! Head on I tell ya!
You may need to bring a professional on board to help you travail this new beginning. What will be amazing is that your counseling session has a purpose and aim and you save months of the counselor trying to dig/find the core issue. Once again, we often know but are afraid of a confession.
In counseling, you may realize that 1. You are surely not alone. 2. There are some simple and easy solutions. Don’t regret opening up through a confession. We sometimes realize “Gee, that wasn’t so big a deal. I carried around an extra me for no reason at all.” As we’ve heard often, you are not the first and you will not be the last.
If you choose to work on the core issue with Self or God, know that God can only help us when we have given him something to help us with. If God saw our errors and just fixed them, there would be no need for communication and prayer.
Bringing it closer to home:
- Do you see Melanie and negative thoughts and resentment arise? Confess that it’s because she is dating the guy you had long liked.
- Do you heighten and exaggerate any error made by Kimani? Confess that you are jealous of his sheer brilliance and ability to get it right almost 100% of the time.
- Do you fuss with your boyfriend about reallytrivial matters? Confess that you are trying to find a way out of the relationship because you are interested in someone else.
And once again, don’t leave the confession there, move into a positive light. Experiences show us more of our neurosis so we can heal and live better lives.
I hope this article has helped you to dig deeper and plant new seeds for growth.
How do you deal with thoughts and temptations that haunt you? Share with our growers!
self heal…we need to grow, we to evolve.
This is very true Kerryann. We hear the words ‘self heal and self love’ often, what does it mean to you? In other words, what do you practically do to express those words?