A friend and I (as we have done in the past) were speaking about the challenges with finding a suitable partner. Now, this article is not your typical, it is not a rant or rave either.
I have been asked what it is I look for in a man, what is my ideal man. Most times, this question does not necessarily come with curiosity or even a question. Often times, the asker has already decided what I’ll look for. I think this is based on some things seen on the external which are simply the actualisation of the internal. In fact, a number of assumptions are made as to what I’ll do in a relationship or how I’ll act – once again, based on an external perception. On some level, the presumptions has been frustrating for me but on another level, I accept the limitations of perceptions. “You will never find a man”, “You too up there”, “You look like you need a lot of maintenance”, “No man would ever be good enough for you”, “You don’t even look like you need a man farless want one”, “You want a man that’s perfect”, “You just blew yourself out of the market!” (this was based on something i did that seemed grand to a friend) Also general sentiments which imply I should tone it down. You can make your own interpretations as to what that means and “You will end up with a white man” – that last one speaks volumes. Other times, the question is asked by a man whose aim is to fulfill whatever he hears with no care as to whether it’s aligned to who he is and he therefore has to pretend which doesn’t last for very long.
Anyway, I decided the day my friend and I spoke that I would write in my journal what I ‘look for’ in a partner, i.e, what attracts me most about a man. And sorry to trick yuh but there is no list. This is what I wrote:
“As we are on the topic of men, I am asking for what I desire which mirrors what I am. A man who is on a conscious and intentional spiritual journey. Awareness of this journey vs just existing. That’s the foundation of everything, from that all ‘things’ flow…one who is aware of his power which is shared with his brothers and sisters and aware of the oneness.”
Well wtf did she just write? I mentioned a similar expression to a friend who laughed and said “yea, you would never find a man like that. At least surely not in Barbados.”
A partner as I’ve described above shines so bright and is most attractive. I can recall the crush I had on a guy who was quick to pray whenever he was faced with a challenge. So peaceful and calm. He went within to handle the without. I do think that finding my partner is not as easy in Barbados/the Caribbean. And while a guy may have some semblance of the above, I find that some of these men are clothed in religion and with that can ironically come some unconsciousness.
Well, I wondered if I was alone in that aspect of my life and I realised that i’m not. A number of like minded have trouble finding that partner but of the articles I’ve read, I’m aware that one surely does not need to have such a partner. And fair enough, I can see the innocence, the light and the true nature of every person. However, I will be the first to admit that I am not ‘spiritually evolved’ to have an intimate relationship with someone who is unaware of their light and therefore acts unconsciously. The other word for this, as used in the Bible, is being unequally yoked.
I also know that while I may desire a partner, I feel complete and whole and can live life without having that partner and by default without having kids. This puts me at such ease and I am overjoyed that I have come to this realisation! I also witness dysfunctional relationships, marriages, creation of children all wrapped around the insanity we play out each day. This is no a judgment, it is an observation. I don’t have a desire to throw in the towel and have such relationships.
Now the end – None of what I’ve shared implies “perfection” but this foundation of awareness I speak of is of our essence as man and will guide a future partner and I on a beautiful union. This is especially so if we both agree to have our relationship serve as a spiritual practice, and this is what I desire.
Cheers,
Shalisha
Being equally yolked with your partner is the first step to a good relationship, but to have it evolved into a great and sustainable one,you have to have the lines of communication open all the time.
Nothing helps hold a partnership together better than open, honest communication.
This helps us to understand our partner better, as we are both growing, and our expectations and goals change. But one sure thing that will, without fail keep our relationship strong and indestructible is maintaining a relationship with our creator, and applying his counsel in everything that we do.
It’s good to recognize that we are on an intentional journey we must fulfill our purpose here on earth and operate in truth. The world offers many cookie cutter ideas of what an individual should want even going as far as to say lower your standards, you try to hard or you feel you is all of that. But God’s word says yes I am fearfully and wonderfully made in his image. And God is all that and more. So don’t be substandard in someone else’s idea be outstanding in your own life and let every blessing find you at work. Your work is your purpose. Miles Munroe.