Have you found that most of your daily emotional boosters (gearing up for work) or refills (post work exertion) is simply preparation for or healing from human interaction?
It may feel like it will never end! And perhaps it won’t but your response is what can change. Today we are talking about people who bait others.
A person will know or highly and accurately suspect your views on something and will ask a question, make a comment, send an article or a meme on that very topic. It is not innocent. It is a ploy to provoke, undermine, torment and elicit a response. This person is not your friend. I would go as far as say this person is a bully and that might not even be far fetched. They are trying to belittle and demean you and your goals/lifestyle. The fact is that baiting is harassment and manipulation. If you bite the bait you become like a witness in a witness box. When you are done explaining and defending, you are drained, defeated and at some point you think ‘wait hang on, how did I end up here? Why am I the defendant’ ?
Baiting often happens when you have made a certain change in your life. To avoid the long list, any form of ‘leveling up’ you can imagine. It also happens when someone is simply not on the same path as you and they notice, pick at and do everything to highlight your differences.
We won’t even bother to address why people do these things. I’ve mentioned this in other articles. All you can do is forgive the transgression, pray for them and send light and love their way.
When baited here are some responses:
No response.
Leave the meme or article on read if you’ve already opened it. These are easier to ignore. If they make a comment about it you can still offer no response or you can say “ok”. If you’re asked a question or if asked ‘what do you think’ however you can say –
I don’t discuss these topics.
This is also a go to card for in person baiting (or any controversial fiery divisive topic you rather not discuss). That usually shuts the person down. If they ask why say –
I do not explain my decisions.
That usually shuts the person down. If they ask why go back up to No Response above and perhaps you can make other decisions. Those decisions may entail removing yourself from whatever relationship you have because this person does not respect boundaries. If closing off relationships is scary for you, you may not be really ready to set boundaries and may find yourself in a loop of the above responses leading to frustration and eventually lashing out. God always provides, there are billions of people on this earth, finding a new circle is easy. Easy!
Other responses includes ‘calling the person out’ on their bullshit. This is not a go to for me. If I feel the need to go this route I simply end all communication with this person. But, if you genuinely want to hold onto this relationship for whatever reason (healthy or subconsciously unhealthy reasons), you can openly discuss. “You know what my response would be, why are you asking me this question? Why do you want to fan the flames and provoke the unnecessary?” And then have a discussion. Some people may admit what they were doing or demonstrate their narcissism and ask “what are you talking about?” To make you think you’re crazy. That is gaslighting and there are lots of articles online about it. As I said, this is not my go to card.
Strongly avoid, in fact never turn the tables around. You don’t have energy for the negative, your energy is for the positive. I’ve noticed some of the advice floating around is to play their game or play a game. Why do to others what you don’t want for yourself?
Overall, I avoid any form of communication because communication means putting on a gas mask to breathe through the toxicity and… why?
The purpose and tag line of this blog is “Because Life is too Short” and whilst time is an illusion, life changes as we age and we can’t do that physical or mental activity as sharply and quickly as we could have at a younger age. You will regret the time and energy wasted. I look back on the people in my life who simply tore me down, ridiculed me any chance they got and succeeded in leaving me feeling less of, insecure and self-questioning. Their attacks and comments consumed me like fire and threw me off track. They did not intend to construct, they intended to destruct. When you know your worth and your value, walking away becomes so much easier because no cell in your body will settle or compromise (prayer hands icon lol)
I have taken grasp of my own thoughts and my own life and refuse to waste any more time on baiting and poverty. We therefore want to focus intently on living purposeful and purpose-filled lives with enriching and uplifting people around us. We also want to be that same light in someone’s life.
Turn your back on the bait and walk away.
Cheers,
Shalisha
wonderful uplifting article
Thank you Juliet, I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂
This is something most Jehovah Witnesses experience in the house to house ministry. Years ago we would try to get the person to appreciate why we hold the views of biblical application so important, but now as this article shows, most of the time we are being baited, so now I have adopted the method of politely excusing myself from the situation, and moving on to another person. Because those people’s main objective is to drain you mentally.
Personally my circle tends to be very small, mainly because I can’t tolerate negative thinking people. I teach my children, if you have nothing positive to say about another person,then it is best to say nothing at all.
That’s the best thing to do. If there is a genuine question one can answer but we know when someone is trying to play or insult us. And great lesson for the children <3 Thanks Dainelle.