So you’ve set some wonderful life goals. Transformational in fact! You’re so excited about how your life will change and you want to share this joy with a friend. Whether your intention is one of kind invitation or just bliss from your goals, you share but don’t get the response you expected. It might be a simple ok with an odd/uncomfortable tone which makes you know or wonder if there’s more to the “ok”, or ridiculing questions, questions or comments of ‘concern’ – “You sure that’s not too much vegetables?”, “Be careful”, “Why are you trying to be different?” “Sounds really opportunistic to me”, “Do you think you need to workout that much or lift so heavy?” – que C.T Fletcher curse words- “Why is there no meat on your plate?”, “My neighbour’s sister was the healthiest most fit person I knew and she still got breast cancer.” “Money isn’t all there is to life” – que Drake’s “[people] with no money act like money isn’t everything”
Anyway, you get the point. They throw stones of doubt in your way, not stepping stones. But, you can learn to use those stones or you can simply learn to shut the fuck up and that’s what this article is about.
Whatever your goals or aspirations are my suggestion is to avoid sharing it with anyone unless the person is the coach or advisor you have hired. Nutritionist, fitness coach, life coach, business advisor, aesthetician and psychologist are trained to help their clients in their expert areas. Who knows, there might even be some biased folks there, but their #1 job is to help you succeed.
I read in a book recently that the secret to success is simply that, keeping your plans a secret. But why you ask?
Short story: the comments/questions about your goals are a distraction.
Long story: Let’s ignore for a moment the old and stereotypical reasons not to share your plans (bad mind, gossip, idea stealers, copy cats, competition, envy). There are people who love you and while some of the above reasons could apply to them they may generally want the best for you yet have some personal baggage.
But let’s treat them all as a group still and speculate that the auto interpretation of hearing another person’s dream is that this person thinks you’re not doing enough with your own life and therefore a need to defend your character trait by justifying choices outside of that dream/goal arises. They give you a speech and may become aggressive without realising there is no opponent. Simply put, they take your goal as a personal attack because your goal is to do exactly the opposite of what they do or to do more than what they do. If it is not a personal attack what are they defending or justifying with such zeal? The point here is that we all have different standards, goals and desires. And you might be offended but it’s usually those with no or low standards who feel threaten, ego bruised and therefore rant and ridicule in an effort to defend their standards. That’s what is happening at the core of the criticism.
It could also be that your dream is a bit too adventurous for that person. They never had a goal nearly as big or the path towards the goal nearly as challenging. When I moved to Geneva I called my Mom via Skype and told her where I was. I left Barbados and went to Europe without saying a word. I did not and sadly still do not share with my Mom my plans because it makes her nervous. I had hoped she had gotten accustomed to her wild daring risk taking daughter but she hasn’t and her nervousness affects my resolve unfortunately (I’m no enlightened being haha). And don’t worry, she is fully aware of my stance on this and she chuckles I guess in agreement.
Sharing is not simply with goals but also challenges towards attaining those goals. Years ago I realised that there are some friends who I should not share challenges with because they seem incapable of handling basic things that come their way. Also, when I did share they would end up having an emotional meltdown and I have to turn around and calm them down when I’m actually the one with the challenge. “omg, omg, what are you gonna do?! I would go crazy!”
If you know me personally you would know that I have had my share of resets in life, I have made big sacrifices. It has made me stronger yet pliable. The bigger the goals the harder the road. I like to set daring goals so I often find myself in some kinda shit. But, unless I have hired you as a coach or therapist you will not hear about my challenges.
But despite all I’ve shared, guess what? I still get slippery lips at times. It’s a practice to the road of shutting the fuck up for me. And I believe sharing stories allows us to bond, it feels natural, like part of human nature. It may also be really difficult for you to shut the fuck up because it’s such a habit and it feels comforting. But if you slip up and yap away, don’t be upset at yourself (make a personal note to do better next time) and don’t be upset if you get a negative response, don’t share this article to the person either (passive aggressive antagonism lol). We show love from the level of love we understand so forgive and move on. If you’re fortunate, folks may express happiness for you or even ask you more about your process with intentions to join you and that’s positive energy. However, don’t look for it and live off it.
To end – You do not need doubters and nervous naggers along your path to actualising the highest potential in you. I am a spiritual being but I have found that I must personally master my navigation of the world I currently live in and zipping it allows me a more peaceful and badass journey.
That’s it for now kitys: keep it to yourself. Your standards are not their standards are not your standards.
I always say, it takes a very creative and determine person to use stumbling blocks as building blocks. It usually upsets the persons placing them in your path, and helps you achieve your goals faster, since they would be inclined to place blocks while you keep converting them to achieve your goals.
Well said Dainelle!